12 Truths .. sorta

Got this in my email .. thought I would share (my thoughts)

Subject: Twelve Truths

12. Life is sexually transmitted.
(and I am in the mood to transmit .. got yer receiver ready ?)

11. Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

(OK .. and the most boring)

10. Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich!

(Nuff said !!)

9. Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach a person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks.

(Weeks ?? I have family I havent seen for years since showing them the WWW)

8. Some people are like Slinkies.....not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.

(Can we have a stairway party ?)

7. Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

(Yeah .. what she said !!)

6 Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.

5. All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.

(Raz-a-fraz-a-braz-a-racking weather !!)

4. Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut saves you thirty cents?

(It is a fence thing and which side you happen to be on)

3. In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

(Up my dosage !! I see stupid people. They don't know they are stupid)

2. Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first.

AND THE # 1 THOUGHT FOR 2004:

Many terrorists come to America legally and hang around on expired visas (some for as long as 10-15 years). Now take Blockbuster, for example. You're two days late with a video rental and those people are all over you. I think we should put Blockbuster in charge of US immigration.

(Welcome to Blockbuster movie rental and immigration service. How may we assist you today ?)