Tuesday, December 25, 2007

My First Without Dad

It wasn't as bad as I imagined. Still, it was hard.

somethng I wrote ...

We followed you

When we were young,
We would follow you around the house
We would go from room to room,
Crawling or toddling, as children do
We didn’t know where you were going,
Or where the journey would end
We simply knew,
We wanted to follow you

We were scattered severally
Across a ten year span
So, while some crawled, some walked
But each of us, in our own way
Followed you

You never really acknowledged
That you knew how closely we watched
Or how hard we tried to follow
But I am sure you knew
And you led, and we followed

Some of us, or just one of us
So bold in our teenage rebellion
Promised we would never walk your paths
We would blaze our own trails
In opposite or perhaps obstinate directions
Not realizing that in doing so
We were following you

You taught us to travel
And follow our own courses
You gave us more than you ever had
You didn’t change our diapers
Or feed us our meals
While some doctor of figuring out reasons
Would have a field day with those
Still we never doubted your love
And still, we followed you

A while back
You stepped through a door
And we could follow you no more
At least not for a long while
But, you left a trail
A pattern if you will
A shining example

While we cannot follow you as closely
As when we crawled behind your heels
We can still follow you
We can follow your example
We can follow your life
Which you lived fully and openly
We can follow your words
Which you shared without hesitation
We can follow your heart
Which you gave without reservation
We can follow your faith
Which was manifest in everything you did

You lived right
You left too soon

I hope
When my day comes
I have the same faith
I have the same course
I hope
I have followed as you followed

I hope
We have followed you

December 22, 2007

Saturday, December 22, 2007

The Christmas blog

It is that time of the year again. Christmas is not my favorite holiday. Independence Day is my fave, however, Christmas is in my top four. I do like the holiday. It just isn't one of my top three. I am sure it was my favorite when I was a kid. That being said, we continue.

Christmas is about stress. Boy, do we need stress.

There is stress about what present to get for this one and that one. Tammy will tell you that I increase that stress because I never want anything. If someone asks what I want, I will tell him or her just that, nothing. I really do not mean to be frustrating in that. Dad was the same way. If he needed something, he bought it. Therefore, he needed nothing, basically. He was hard to buy for. I am a lot like him in that, I suppose.

Then, there are the money issues. It is an American tradition to spend more than you can afford at Christmas time. In that, we are just like most. We will spend more than we should. The spirit of Christmas giving captures us and we always want to give more. We want the kids to have a good Christmas.

In spite of all that has happened this year, we are still happy. We want to share that happiness to those we love and those that surround us. Our lives are still touched by all that has came to pass. My oldest said something about Christmas being different this year because of dad’s passing. I thought about it and decided that every Christmas is different each year. Each year, we would gather at dad and mom’s house on Christmas Eve. Every year, there would be someone or so new in the crowd. There would be a new boyfriend or girlfriend. There would be a new husband or new wife. There would be new babies.

This year will be different again. There will be new boyfriends, girlfriends, hubbies, wives, and babies. However, this year, there will be minuses as well, especially for Tammy and I. Chella stated that everyone in our house lost a father this year. It was a stunning statement. So, Christmas will be very different this year.

There will be presents. There will be joy. There will be singing. There will be family. There will be happiness. There will be celebration. There will be giving. There will be receiving. There will be eating. There will be gathering. And, there will be sadness for the missing ones.

This Christmas, like all the other Christmases in my life will come and go. It will provide some joy and some sorrow. It will bring some smiles and some tears. It will be one more good reason to gather with family.

Merry Christmas to you … and to yours …

And a Happy New Year !

Wednesday, December 19, 2007

Thank you

Thank you for being my release.

Thank you for kind words.

It has been a dickens of a year. As it slowly grinds to a close, we can only hope for a better next year. It has been bleak, but there have been bright spots. There have been new births and new adventures. There have been losses, but we are still here, and we are still standing. We may wobble or limp on occasion, but, we are still walking.

There is still a sun shining in our lives. It shines brightly.

We will come through this. We may be scathed. We may be knocked around. However, we will still emerge victorious.

Christmas is coming soon. It won't be the same, but, then again, it never is.

I will post soon with much more to say. For now, I will say that I am alive and kicking.