Monday, January 24, 2005

Easy Decision Hard

Some easy decisions are so hard.

Tammy's daughter has been 'seeing' a kid, J, from the neighborhood for just over 9 months. He is 14 yrs old. He is an odd kid. He is quiet around us, tho Chella swears that he is funny and hyper out on the porch.

Just a side bar about the 'porch people'. The kids have lots of friends from the neighborhood that like to hang out here on our porch. I think it is because we are the least uptight of the parents around here. We have rules. We have conditions for hanging on the porch. There are some kids that have been banned from the porch for periods of time and there are those that have been banned period. We watch the way these kids act and don't mind telling them when they are over the line. They are basically 'broken' kids. Tammy and the kids attract them and adopt them. They have such huge hearts. J is one of the porch people with house privileges.

J came by this afternoon after school. He talked to Chella for a few minutes when his dad showed up and he bolted. His dad chased him but didn't catch him. His mom came to the house to talk with Tammy. J is in trouble and will be grounded to his house for a while. His mom said that Chella could come visit him in 2 weeks. Only problem with that is that we do not approve of her going to his house to visit. She can go there to get him and bring him here. It isn't an elitist thing at all. His parents are both drug addicts. We do not approve of their lifestyle.

J came back before going home. He told Chella that his mom is abusing him. Chella is destroyed. She hurts for him. I told her that the best thing we can do is report it. She cannot go there and take the abuse for him. She cannot rescue him herself. Tammy called the National Hotline.

There is no excuse for child abuse. There is no reason that anyone can give me to excuse a parents abuse of a child. It does not matter how difficult a child is to handle, abuse is not the answer. A parent cannot make it okay. If it came to a choice of putting my child in another place for counseling or rehab, and a choice of abusing them, I would choose to lose my child rather then abuse them.

In spite of this being the right choice, it is still hard. In spite of this being the only right thing, it is still a difficult thing. Chella is fearful that they will take him away from her. She fears the loss it will cause in their relationship. Those are pretty heavy choices in a 14 yr olds eyes. She knows that that abuse doesn't go away. It will only get worse. She knows down deep that this is the right choice. It doesn't make it easier.

It is an easy decision hard.

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