Thursday, December 01, 2005

Christmas perfected.

I have perfected the entire Christmas experience. We (the family & I) were having an in depth discussion about Christmas. Tammy asked me when I wanted to go Christmas shopping. (We have done some preliminary shopping.) I told her, “December 24th.”

Here’s what you do, I explained. You go to the sock aisle at Meijer and walk down the aisle shoveling socks into the buggy. You do want to make sure you hit a few different colors for those that have favorite colors. Let me ask you, sincerely, who can’t use a few new pairs of socks? What person, rich or poor, married or single, man or woman, can honestly say that they do not have any need for a couple more pairs of socks?

They are the perfect gift. They are universally worn. They are unisex. They come in one size fits all (except Godzilla feet.) They are more than just made for the feet. They had multiple uses. A nice fluffy sock can also be used as a mitt for car washing. They can be a bank for your loose money. Extra socks can be used as mittens when the tide of the snowball fight is going against you and provide the needful protection to allow you to double your output of firepower.

They are enjoyed by young and old alike.

They eliminate the “you gave him more than me” crying, so often heard this time of the year. Everyone gets socks. They are the great equalizer of today’s society. They eliminate the need to shop for days and stand in line for hours after and before fighting maddening crowds on the road and in parking lots. As a gift, socks reduce stress (always a good thing this time of the year.) Think of the hours you can spend with the kids when you don’t have to be out in the weather, out in the traffic, out in the crowd, fighting for an X-box 360°.

Not being out in the weather reduces your chances of getting sick.

Not being in traffic reduces your chances of being in an accident.

Not being in a crowded mall or department store reduces your exposure to germs and idiots.

Socks, as a gift, lengthen your life. It is comforting to know, the years you add to your life by avoiding stressful times and places, will be spent enjoying the socks you have accumulated over the years.

Even though the Bible doesn’t mention it (and I hope I am not being sacrilegious here), I am sure one of the wisemen, along with the gold, frankincense, myrrh, thought to bring socks.

So practical. So easy. So thoughtful. So simple. And yet, so overlooked.

The gift that keeps on giving for years to come. Who would have thought, Christmas could be so simplified, as giving and receiving socks.

Keep those Christmas thoughts flowing, and your toes warm. Have a sock today.

Shop early, shop often. Keep a few extra pairs around for unexpected visitors. Your thoughtfulness will be greatly appreciated.

Nothing says ‘I love you’ more than a nice warm pair of socks.

This message brought to you by the Association of Sock Sellers.

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