Monday, March 13, 2006

Easing my way into the week

It was a nondescript weekend.

Friday was a competition day for the SkillsUSA students. We took 10 students to Lexington to compete in the south regionals.

One carpentry student took the silver medal.
One student took the bronze in cabinet making.
One student took the bronze in Related Technical Math.

It was an all day affair. We left the school at 7:30 am and left the competition around 4:30 pm.

The weekend was one of those rainy dreary rather stay in bed all day weekends. We didn't stay in bed but we did mostly hang close to the house. The kids father was in town from Florida, so we were kidless on Friday night and part of the day Saturday. We managed to get out to the Red Lobster for lunch. That was a good time.

The kids got home shortly after we did and we spent a good portion of the rest of the weekend fixing the damage. It seems there was a fight at the house where R stayed with the kids. There was a poker game that got excited and potentially violent. Chella was scared and wanted to come home. She called, but for some reason Tammy's cell phone never rang. We didn't see a missed call until after the kids were home.

Kyle is on a diet and has done well. We aren't starving him, but we do watch his intake and he drinks primarily diet drinks. He gets the full flavored variety every now and then as a treat. While he was with his dad. He asked for a diet dew and was told to drink regular cola. It was R's way of hitting back at Tammy. The only thing is that Tammy isn't the one he is directly hurting. It is his son. Kyle has lost 9 pounds in the last couple months. He is growing upward and losing a little weight. Both of those are good things. While he was with his dad last summer for 3 weeks, he gained 9 pounds. R thinks he is punishing Tammy by allowing the kids to do whatever they want regardless of the rules imposed at home.

He thinks he is doing two things. He is doing neither. He thinks he is striking back at Tammy for leaving him 4 years ago. Puh-lease, time to grow up, man. He isn't striking back at her, he is hurting his kids.

The other - he thinks he is buying his kids love by being more lenient with them. You don't buy a kids love by giving them free reign. You earn a kids love by setting rules and teaching them responsibility. It is the harder path of parenting. It is the most rewarding path.

R fusses about not being able to see the kids as often as he would like, but he moved to Florida while he had a place in Danville, just 45 minutes away. He moved form 45 minutes away to 12 hours away, and then fusses because he cant see the kids. Again - grow up. He made a choice and now whines about the consequences. And, if he thinks the kids are fooled by his whining about it, he is sadly mistaken. The kids know it was his choice to move, just as they know it is his choice not to pay his child support in a timely fashion.

I have never put myself in the place to take his place. I have never once tried to be anything more than their moms hubby and their step dad. I am not trying to replace R. However, I am doing the job he refused to do. I am involved in their lives every day. I am supporting them every day. I am there when they have a problem. I am there when they have good news. I am there when they need advice. It is not my fault that he is not there. I refuse to do less than I know to do, just to make him not look bad.

I am a dad. It is one of the things I do. That part of me is in my teaching. It is in everything I do with the kids at home. It is what I still do with my kids, married and on their own. I will be a dad as long as I live.

No comments: