Wednesday, June 14, 2006

Going on ...

I have thought about this a good portion of the day. I have even consulted the Bible a time or two. I was at a loss of how to proceed. Parts of me wanted to retaliate against those that would speak harshly to me. Parts of me wanted to break down and just cry. Still, there were other parts that wanted to hide in the corner and other parts that wanted to just stop thinking about it at all.

I have come to these conclusions.

I cannot stop people from thinking what they wish to think, no matter how vehemently I defend or decry the situation.

No matter how well thought or elegant, any response will change nothing and serve only to perpetuate the situation.

This cannot change who I have fought to become unless I allow it to get inside me and fester (Isaiah 59 about cockatrice eggs.)
I will have to live with the consequences of my decisions, as will those around me.

I will not allow this to live in my heart or my head. (A friend told me once, you can't stop a bird from flying over your head, but you can stop him from making a nest in your hair.)

I have a wonderful circle of friends and the best 'best friend' ever.

I love my children and my hand will always be open to them.

The only door I have closed is the door to the past, and I refuse to open it again.

There was one chance to live a perfect life, and someone already beat me to that.

I am still looking forward to tomorrow and all the beauty it can bring.

Living is a good thing.

3 comments:

TammyJ said...

Living with you is a wonderful, adventure.. I wake up everyday thankful that you are beside me.. or at the computer in the living room.. basically that you are in my life..

Retro Girl said...

Again, my dear friend, So sorry this has put such a bruise on your heart and is happening. You have the world's greatest woman beside you...and enough friends to fill a small island behind you...And I'm one of them *HUGS* We're all here for you and here to support you. Whenever you need--just reach out...

LY Friend

Red

KC said...

If I could give just one word of advice to all of your daughter's (being that I have plenty of experience in the world of multiple divorces and multiple step-parents) I would gently remind them that our parents are humans.

People make mistakes. No one is even close to being perfect or without fault. Eventually those that judge others will find themselves making mistakes of their own, perhaps choosing options they wouldn't once have considered before.

It's not so easy then to say you wouldn't have done something, or you should have done something based on what we all might have believed was the right option to choose. You never really know what you would do until given the situation where the choice becomes yours to make...

My parents aren't perfect. There are still times, even now that we've all grown into adults ourselves, that the core of whatever it was that destroyed their marriage comes back to bring about tender feelings and bruised egos.

I learned a long time ago to let my parents experience those feelings on their own. It wasn't my job then, and it isn't my job now to get in the middle of something I'll never be able to fully understand.

Maybe it takes reaching a certain age before a person can really understand that their relationship with their parents doesn't have to be a mirror image or a carbon copy of somebody else's.

All of my parents have made some pretty big mistakes, said a lot of things that weren't so nice to say, done some things that I know they'll never be proud of, hurt each other with actions they can't take back. That's the inevitable nature of the past and the wisdom we gain when we learn how to let some of it go...

Continue to love them like I know you do, without conditions and with forgiveness in your heart. They'll come around. No woman is complete without the love of both of her parents.