Friday, September 09, 2005

Bush declares war on Hurricanes

In a strongly worded speech last night, President Bush declared war on Hurricanes, which have "through a systematic effort taken American life over many years." They have "shown a strong disdain for justice, freedom, and the American way." This type of active aggression "cannot be tolerated any longer."

Bush has deployed already weary National Guard troops to the Bahamas to mount a "wall of opposition" in an effort to repel the now developing threats to our way of living.

"Make no mistake: The United States will hunt down and punish those responsible for these heinous acts." The President has commissioned a committee to study the attack tactics of recent hurricanes to best develop a plan for combating this often faceless enemy. "We will no longer live in fear of the Katrina's and Andrew's of the world."

The President ardently denied that he was profiling storms. "We do not believe that every storm or every gust of wind is a killer. There are good winds. There are beneficial storms. We will not act hostilely to just any breeze. But, we will no longer tolerate killer storms just dancing across our borders."

"The American people can sleep soundly tonight knowing that all the resources of the Federal Government and all the attention of the Executive Branch is focused on eliminating this threat to our very freedom."

Rest easy, America.

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