Friday, August 19, 2005

Just because it ain't broke ..

Tammy was reading a book about women that love too much. It spoke volumes to her concerning her past relationships. It explained to her many of her actions and/or decisions. It was not a cookie cutter book about her life, but it did shine a light in a few dark places.

She told me, after reading the book, that one of the things that scared her greatly about dating, or having a relationship with me, was that I didn't need to be fixed. Most of her other relationships (not that there were that many) were with men that needed fixing. She has a wounded bird syndrome. She needs to be fixing things. She can't help it. She is forever bringing home strays (and those aren't always animals.) She, and her children, are always adopting broken people. This is not always a good thing. It isn't always a bad thing. It is just a thing.

I scared her because I wasn't broken. I didn't seem to need any fixing. I was fully developed and mostly comfortable in my life.

(One of the strengthening factors of earlier age relationships is the process of growing together. We grow together, since neither party were fully developed individually. That is conversely the problem in secondary or late life relationships. The individuals are defined. Their differences are schisms rather than opportunities. They have had most of a lifetime to develop who they are. Differences are places of division instead of places of growth opportunity.)

I had my problems, believe that, but I didn't come looking for her to fix me. We have faced problems and situations that have tried us and they made us stronger together. That is what a relationship is about. Love grows stronger when it reaches across a difference. I do not propose that one looks for trouble to strengthen any relationship. Troubles will come on their own without any assistance from anyone. In those times, you will either bond or they will drive a wedge between you and your partner.

We have used our troubles to strengthen our resolve. We are more committed than ever to being together. However, being together for us, is not a chore, but a pleasure.

I still scare her. I still ain't looking for a fix. It is a good scare, though.

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