in Celebration of Fathers

The man that saw me as a child and the child that saw me as a man

Can I tell you how hard I fought to grow up?

No matter what I did I still was the child

You were proud all my life when I did the grownup things

How delighted you were when I began to talk

How you beamed when I began to crawl and walk

Beginning school and even jobs eventually

Even as I grew into all the things men do

Part of me remained a child

That part that ever lived in the back of your eyes

There was a part of me that never left those days

When seeing the pride in your eyes was everything

Others could certify and recognize my accomplishments

The established authority could give me frame-able evidence

Still it paled in relationship to the feeling I got

When the child in my heart burst into your room

Excitedly carrying the proof of my accomplishment

To show it to you and to see once more

The child that still lived in the back of your eyes

I could see him, you know

He would awaken from some light slumber

He would come close to the side of your eyes

And as he heard you go on about whatever prize I had brought

He would begin to glow faintly

As you would scrutinize the evidence

As he read with you every word

Every whereas and hitherto

He would come to a sparkle

Barely noticeable to those gathered around

But the child half that resided within me

Saw the brother that still resided within you

And for that moment

I lived as a boy that still needed his father’s approval

For all our relationship may have become

This part of it seemed ordained to remain

The child that lived within me always needed to be in touch

With that child that lived still in the back of your eyes

That symbiosis sustaining both

Each carrying to and carrying from

Both the child I thought I would always be

And the child you thought you would always see

Then one day

Quite unexpectedly

You went away

The adult I had turned into knew the day would come

Even unexpectedly, my heart had tried to prepare me

I had filled my life with relationships designed to replace

I had established other ports to share my goods

They offered the heartfelt pat on the back

They brought the warmth of societal recognition to bear

They stood ready to replace

That one place that could never be replaced

For all their warmth and genuineness

They did not have the child I would always be

Living deep within the back of their eyes

No matter how often the child inside came to see

There was no child other half looking back at me

Dad, I miss so many things about our relationship

Others have stepped up to try to fill

No one does so in any attempt to take your place

They do so merely to fill your empty space

None of these, however, can fill this space

It has come to me finally some fifty plus years past my birth

That the child I recognized so intently in your eyes

The child that called out so earnestly to the child in mine

Was there before I was even born

He was in part, part of the joy you had for me as your son

And part of the child that lived in your eyes

That always looked for the child in his father’s eyes

I thought the child living in the back of my eyes would die

When you left so abruptly that day in March

I knew he would languish and pass without his symbiotic partner

But I have found, and none too soon

He lives just fine

He sparkles and shines

And exchanges his knowing glances

With the children that still live in the eyes of mine

My sons and daughters still seek him

Even if they do not know it

There is a child still living behind their adult eyes

And that child still bursts into dad’s room

Bearing the authentication of their accomplishments

They bring the frame-able evidence into the court

They know they are fulfilling the role of adult

But there is a child living deep inside

That comes to find the child living deep inside

And they sparkle and shine

As the children that never die

Behind the sparkles in dad’s eyes

I cannot see the child that lived in your eyes anymore

I will miss him ever

But his work and legacy go on

He has taught me to ever see

The children living deep inside

Hiding playfully behind

The adult in my children’s eyes

Ron Simpson, Jr.

March 27, 2009