Without

 

While I will always cherish 

Wonderful memories 

Please allow me to grieve this loss 

Memories cannot sit in an old chair 

Memories cannot gently squeeze my hand 

Memories cannot smile a warm smile 

Which chases away the coldest chill 

Memories cannot  wear an old sweater 

Which scratches my cheeks 

Memories don’t wear too much cologne or perfume 

 

I never knew what it was 

to spend the day without 

I never spent a holiday without 

Suddenly everything is changed 

 

There is no amount 

of realization or understanding

Which can ever fully prepare you 

For walking past the place

Where someone always was 

And will never be again 

 

I am way past being a child 

I have long understood the process of life 

Still, I want to cry and scream 

At the unfairness of life 

I want to ball up my fists 

I want to beat the air 

I want to fight what I cannot 

I want you back 

I want the impossible 

 

Time will eventually cool my rage 

I will understand the reasons 

I will accept the unimaginable 

Someday, I will look past the hole 

Which is now in my life 

 

Not today 

 

Today, I will grieve loudly 

I will lament 

I will be inconsolable 

You, my friend 

Will be a comfort I refuse to feel 

I must feel my pain 

It must tear through me 

I cannot  bottle this one inside 

Do not stop me 

 

Today, memories will feed my pain 

I do not want to think about 

the laughter I have lost 

I do not want to remember 

the fun times we had 

I don’t want to think about 

the hard times we endured 

I want to know this pain 

I know it is hard to understand 

but I need to feel this 

 

Some tomorrow, on the other side of this,

There will be time for fond recollection 

There will be sitting and laughing 

And the pain will not be so fresh 

I will not be unfaithful 

For remembering the giggling times 

It will not feel 

As though I am betraying the suffering 

Or the passing 

 

There beside me, that day 

Will be the memories 

Both good and bad 

And it will be part of the process 

 

I may, or may not, hold back my tears 

I remember the life lived 

I hold the impact it had on mine 

It still saddens me

But this is a pain I know I can endure 

I have 

I have said goodbye 

To the place they always were 

And will never be again 

I have let go of the unfairness 

 

Good-bye my loved one

May we someday meet again 

On another shore 

 

© Ron Simpson Jr.