Another Anniversary

Tonight

In a dream

My phone rang

I answered 

And it was you

You asked how I was 

You asked how Mom was

I was angry

I asked where you were

I told you, you left

You lost the right to know how I was

You lost the right to know how my family was

You couldn’t ask how Mom was

I awoke

I instantly knew

I was angry you were gone

You died

You didn’t pack a bag for a short trip

And decided to never return 

You didn’t go out for something else

And never came back

You died

I guess I never really dealt with the anger

I feel guilty 

For being angry

You didn’t choose death

Over us

You didn’t choose a grave

To end your problems

Your heart stopped

You died

They brought you back

But you didn’t really return 

I’m not even sure

What I am angry about

I don’t think I’m angry at you

I think I’m angry at life

For not having you in it

But I don’t know for sure

I woke up

While I was yelling at you

I woke in the full expression 

Of the anger

And it disappeared 

So, I know it isn’t a conscious anger

It is a deep down buried anger

Maybe at its seed

It isn’t even anger at all

Maybe

By the time it broke free

After banging its fists on a wall 

For nearly eleven years

It just feels like anger

The real feeling 

Is so wrapped up

In the rage of the effort

To be released

It just feels like anger

Or maybe I am angry 

Either way

It has dissipated 

In the darkness of the night

In the light of conscious thinking

It is free or pushed back down

Either way

The writing has captured it

In the middle of the night

The memory remnant

Is all that remains

I realize it is five days

Until another anniversary 

Of the day you left

I guess I’ll always miss you

By the way

I’m okay

My family is good

Mom is fine

She misses you

I love you, Dad

© Ron Simpson, Jr. 

March 3, 2018

2:59 AM