for Jay

An old friend took his life a few days ago. As I tried to come to grips with the why's (we will never know) and the mindset, this is what my head spit out.
I am lost

I cannot recall the moment it slipped from my fingers
Even then, it was still in sight, like a well-known book of the shelf
I could draw strength just from the knowledge
It was still here
It wasn’t strength I would need every day
So the day it disappeared from its familiar place
Went unnoticed as well.

It might have been only hours, It might have been the day
It might have been a week, or a month, or a year
But the day did come and I went to that place
That well-known trusted place and there I found the empty
The place where it should have been
The place where it was before
The place, where, without being seen
It was taken away

There were always winds, and rains, and storms,
And thunder, and darkness, and clouds
But, there always was, in it’s own familiar spot
Shining through the shadows, a single piercing beam
Of life sustaining, of comfort providing
Of solace carrying, a ray of untainted hope

No matter how far I sank, I could find it in that known place
No matter the cares of life that assailed my mind
I could still find my way to that fullness
My soul would find a comfort
My mind would find a respite
My weariness would abate
Until today

Today, there is no rest
There is no breathing room
There is no alcove in which to draw myself
My mind is bombarded; my soul is compassed
Today, there is no hope
There is no anchor for my soul
Today, I am lost

Ron Simpson Jr.
September 1, 2007