Wednesday, August 10, 2022

I Saw Your Life

This was written for a friend who miscarried 

I saw your life

In the privacy of my bathroom

I peed on a plastic stick

And my entire life changed


I saw your life

I saw your innocent smile

I heard your infectious laughter

I inhaled your new baby scent


I saw your rocking turn into crawling

I saw you let go of my hand 

And take your first clumsy steps


I heard your squeals and gibberish 

I listened as they soon mimicked words

As eventually a ‘mama’ and ‘dada’ formed


I watched you scoot on toys 

And then the tricycle and bike

Feeling apprehension and dread

When the training wheels came off


I saw the excitement in your eyes

The first day you boarded the yellow bus

And how you ran to greet me each day

When it brought you back home to me


I saw report cards and parties

School Dances and first loves

And graduation ceremonies


I watched you grow up

Filled with life and promise

Determined to change the world


I saw you fall in love

I saw your heart break

And watched you fall again


I saw your college days

I saw your wedding

I saw my grandchildren


I saw all of that

In the privacy of my bathroom

Holding a plastic stick

Telling me you were coming


I saw your life

And I felt it all ripped away


There are medical terms

All sanitized and proper

To put in into a statistic


It can’t ever tell the story

It can’t ever express the pain

It will never explain the loss


I saw your life

You changed the world

That’s what’s missing now


I saw your life


© Ron Simpson Jr. 


Crossings


So began the lives of two

As small and fragile birds

Struggling with wings so frail

 

Two eggs hatching on the same day in different nests

Two lives so vastly different diverging upon each other

One living a directionless life of wasted effort

The other struggling with infirmities to rise above

Two mothers passing in the market

Two families growing always close by

Two children, one dependent, one independent

One child grows out, one child grows in

One strengthened in body captive in spirit

One captive by her body grows strong of spirit

Occasionally passing, crossing paths

Just enough to know the other exists

One struggles with identity, who he will be

The other struggles with life, knowing who, but not how long

He grows rough and sometimes unabated

She grows sheltered and sometimes feeling smothered

Both, on a path to cross, which will change them forever

 

His life is spent out on the cold streets always looking in

His crimes are petty and go mostly unnoticed

His mother hears the word ‘incorrigible’ more than once

In the cracks of society, there are always those to find you

Always those there to rally to your rebellion

His story is told countless times in countless lives

Written on dockets

His photos will eventually go into his ‘jacket’

To pass from worker to worker,

Lawyer to lawyer, Judge to Judge

 

Her life is more inside the warmth always looking out

Her spirit yearns to go places her body does not allow

The coldness she knows are rooms surrounded by white

There are doctors, nurses, and technicians

There are specialists waiting at the next phase

She hears the whispered word ‘terminal’ if she listens

Even in a world built on hope, there are cracks

However, in these cracks,

You are often alone with your rebellion

Her story is told countless times in countless lives

Written on charts

Her photos of inside, will go into her records

To be passed from worker to worker,

Doctor to doctor, hospital to hospital

 

Against the odds, he is converging on adulthood

The petty and juvenile will give way to hard crime

He will soon move into the big leagues

 

Against all odds, she is converging on adulthood

The decisions will soon become hers

And her weariness and frailty moves her

 

Still, there is one more crossing ahead

 

The stories we remember best rarely go as we plan

It is right when it should be wrong

It is wrong when it should be right

 

Two people were going to die that night

One in the final blaze of a misspent life

The other in a final act of independence

 

Two paths with a common beginning

Two paths with a simultaneous ending

Two paths with one more crossing


The police report was short of details

A boy on the brink of becoming a man

Whether it was his idea to be there was moot 

It didn’t alter the tragedy of the outcome

A young lady with her whole life ahead of her

It had to be a “wrong place, wrong time” situation 

The document used words like ‘perp’ and ‘victim’

Assumptions made throughout a work of fiction

There was an unregistered firearm involved

Shots were fired and the police rightfully responded

One was a victim of cataclysmic circumstance

The other following a chosen path to an end 

Which was which? 

Only they know 


Two souls came together in a blaze

In each other’s arms

Redemption and resolution 

He has found his purpose

She has found her peace

Two mothers will cry tonight


© Ron Simpson Jr.

Sunday, August 07, 2022

Tuesday, August 02, 2022

Grieve

 

You are captured in this moment

Numbed by the overwhelming loss

Held by disbelief and confusion 

With answerless questions


Grief is the cost of loving someone

The greater the love, the greater the grief

And grief is healthy as part of a healing process

But, you must get beyond this moment


You must know

I never intended to leave you

I knew I would, eventually

But I didn’t know it would be this soon


There were so many things

I needed to say to you

Now, I will have to say them

Through stories and memories


As you walk through the fields 

of our memories

You will see flowers blooming 

from seeds planted before my departure


You will hear our conversations 

From a different place

You will hear them differently 

You will hear what I tried to say 

And you tried not to hear


Life is fleeting

It rarely runs on our schedule 

It starts late or early

And it always end far too soon


When we were younger

Our conversations went on

Long after they actually ended

Because neither of us 

Wanted to be the first to say “goodbye”


It’s like that now

My time here on this plane

Is winding down

Soon, I will lay down to slumber

And awaken on another shore


You will stay here

You will continue on

You will cry and laugh

You will mourn and rejoice

You will grieve


Grief is the process by which healing begins

Grieve silently

Grieve loudly 

Grieve angrily

But, you must allow yourself to grieve


Weep

Scream

Cry

Sit in a dark room

Surround yourself with loved ones

Push everyone away

Hold everyone too tightly

Wander aimlessly 

Get lost in work

Sleep

Don’t sleep

Eat

Don’t eat

Read

Write

Sing

Look at old photos

Hold on to a memory keepsake 

Lose track of time

Reflect

Grieve 

Do all of these

Do none of these

Grieve

However you must do it

Grieve


When it is time

You will hear me

You will hear what I’ve tried to say


Life is tender

Life is tough

Life is fragile

Life is sturdy

Life is kind

Life is meant to be lived


Grief is part of it

Grieve

Then live


© Ron Simpson Jr

September 16, 2018



Every Time


An integral part 

Of life 

Is the simple fact 

Of death 

And how we deal with it 


Of course 

We run from it 

(Sometimes literally) 

Some ignore it 

Some question it 

Others study it 

Some rush 

To its embrace 

While others 

Do everything to avoid it 


Accepting 

Death is waiting 

Is not being defeatist 

It is just pragmatic 

If one lives 

One will eventually cease 

One will die 

And encounter death 

Along one’s path 


We must all deal 

With death 


I never want to get good at it 

I want it to hurt 

I want it to nearly break me 

Every time 


I want it to tear through my soul 

Taking pieces of me with it 

I want to be different 

I want to be changed 

Every time 


I want to weep 

I want to anguish 

I want to lament 

I want to suffer 

Publicly 

With others 

I want to cry 

Privately 

Every time 


I want it to shroud my life 

I want light to dim 

I want shadows to darken 

I want life's glory to suffer 

I want happiness to languish 

I want love to be pierced 

For some undetermined time 

Every time 


I know 

The light will return 

The shadows will fade 

Life’s glory will recover 

Happiness will rebound 

Love will heal 

Death will walk away 

Life will step back in 

Every time 


I will never embrace death 

I simply accept it’s inevitability 


Today 

I walk in the sunshine 

I savor relationships 

I earnest covet my friendships 

I luxuriate in love 

For tomorrow 

I may deal with death 


© Ron Simpson Jr. 

August 2, 2022